I cannot tell you for certain why having four children is so important to me. I think the biggest thing is because my example of mothering from my biological mother was so poor that I want to right the wrongs done in the universe to me by her. And the more children I have, the more times I have done that.
We tried to adopt, firstly in 2019 when our third child was 2, and then again in 2021 when he was 4. In 2019 we were told no by 2 agencies. In 2021, we were told no by one agency after 3 months of dithering and then eventually no by a second after taking us nearly all the way through stage one. It was heart-breaking, and for a while we took it as a sign that 3 was our lot.
However I cannot believe that it is. There is something inside me that longs for this little soul that is somewhere. The elusive number four.
My husband and I talked about what we wanted to do. The first thing we decided was to contact the agency we'd been advised to try next. When I spoke to the social worker there I was told, "You could apply in 6 months or so, or in 2-3 years, and you might be approved. Or you could wait until your youngest is 13 and you'd be much more likely to be approved."
It felt like a slap round the face, that's 8 years away. Our children would be 13, 16 and 18! We wanted to do something called "Foster to Adopt" which was mostly children under two, and most commonly newborns. We didn't want to start childrearing all over again when we were almost done. We wanted to be parents again in the next few years, so they could all grow up together.
A further conversation happened with my husband, how much do you want another child?
I said out of ten, I was at ten. I'd do anything, except use a sperm donor to get around my husband's vasectomy. The child was biologically related to both of us, or neither of us.
My husband thought for a moment and said "I'm a 7. I don't want to use a sperm donor, but I'd consider a reversal or fertility treatment at this point."
And that's where our journey begins.
We've decided to have fertility treatment, to try IVF. In 2014 a few months after the birth of our second child, our only daughter Bee, my husband was a sperm donor. He donated 10 times over the course of a year and 5 children have been born from his donations. We have decided to forgo a surgical option to retrieve sperm from my husband in favour of taking back some of the donations for personal use.
On Monday evening we had an initial consultation with a fertility clinic and have decided to go forward with an egg sharing IVF program after my success as an egg donor with them in 2021.
I will get an appointment from the clinic for my AMH to be tested to check on my ovarian reserve and then an ultrasound to make sure everything is ok with my ovaries, uterus, vagina and cervix.
We are quite busy in February with a holiday in 10 days time which the next working week will take us to the 28th February. I expect the appointments will need to be in March.
We'd like to avoid a January birthday so an April cycle is out, we are on holiday over ovulation in May so June is looking like the month we begin trying for our fourth, and final baby.
Thank for your reading my essay. I will be back with the next update soon.
Lavender x
